Boilhimian Crabsody

I ate a crab, and it seemed appropriate to celebrate the event in song, in the style of classic rockers Queen.

Here are the lyrics in case you are interested:

Mama, just killed a crab,
I just wanted to be fed,
Boiled some water,
Now he’s dead
His life had just begun,
But now I’ve gone and boiled it all away
I did mean to make you crab
But if you’d like to eat some crab tomorrow
It’s all gone, it’s all gone
Coz i ate him in a sandwich

Too late, his time had come
Boiled him up, ripped out his mind
Ripped off his limbs one at a time
Goodbye, mister Crabsley
You’d got to go
Got to boil until you die and be my lunch
Mama, oooooooooooooooooooooooh [eat his tasty crab toes]
He didn’t want to die
And now there’s no crab left for you at all

So I smashed off his face and ripped out his mind

Then I wrenched off his limbs and I ate his insides

Oh, Crabsley,
I know I’ve mangled you badly

But I just want to suck out,
Just want to suck out all your meat

Eat you in a sandwich,
Eat your lovely meat
Eat you in a sandwich,
In a lovely sandwich…..

For tea

Eat your lovely crab claws

I wrote lyrics for the operatic section of the song, which I refer to in our crustacean-themed version as the “Pincer Movement” – which I took out for this performance but which I will put here for your enjoyment if you are interested in that kind of thing:

I see a little silhouette of a crab
Carapace! carapace! will you make a nice pate?
Rolling pin’s exciting, smashing limbs for their white meat
Crab and mayo! Crab and Mayo!
Crab and mayo! Crab and Mayo!
Crab and Mayo in a roll


He’s a crustacean, he lives in the sea
He’s a crustacean, of the crab family

I took his life and ate him for my tea

In a bun, in a roll,
Will you eat his nose?

I will not

No! He does not have a nose

Eat his nose!

I will not

He does not have a nose

Eat his nose!

I will not

He does not have a nose

Eat his nose!

does not have a nose

Eat his nose!

does not have a nose

Eat his no-o-o-o-o-o-o-ose

No no no no no

Oh mama mia mama mia

Mama mia eat his nose

His shell contains lots of delicious brown and white meat,
white meat, white meat

One Response to “Boilhimian Crabsody

  • Colin Braddock
    3 years ago

    Oddly, I doubt this song will go over very well with vegans…me though, I loved it! 😀

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