Crime: The Crown Jewels, Linguistic Tragedy, Nominative Determinism

Super Criminal, Samurai

The Gentlemen's Club

More Reminiscensces from Duncan De Sordillee

Sturgeon Assertion

Appointments to Institutions

Duncan De Sordillee, bankrupt aristocrat, reminisces direct from his armchair at the Gentlemen's Club

Zeppelins eh? Big bastards, those zeppellins.

I knew a priest once. His name was Rev Oswald Fukitt. He spent a lot of time trying to convert the Buddhists in Thailand. Known in the club as Fukitt of Phuket. Damn fine chap, died from that flesh-eating bacteria. Awful mess. When they did the post-mortem they found that instead of a brain, he had a seething mass of magotts. Explains the voices I suppose. Not that maggotts can actually speak, of course- turn into flies you know. Quite remarkable how they do that- seal themselves up in little cocoons and mutate into something quite different.

Knew a chap who did that once. Peregrine Fledgeling-Gosling, been at the club nearly as long as me. Fought in the Crimea, you know- good cavalry man, fine taste in port. Just pupated one day, right in that armchair over there- I came in for dinner and there was a six-foot mucousy pupa inside his smoking jacket. Three months later he came back out- looked like a cross between an orangutan and a bicycle. Gave the Colonel an awful shock- gave him both barrels from the Purdey. Shame really, fine chap, old PFG.

Of course, he's not the only one the Colonel's shot in the dining hall. Once got a new servant in and they forgot to tell him about the knives. Went to put a plate of Roast Guinnea Fowl infront of the Col., and the poor chap passed him a complete set of cutlery. Never knew what hit him- awful mess, took days to stop the old bugger from blabbering on about the damned Spetlakokl tribe and the time they tried to eat him. Looking around the room constantly for weeks. Didn't get him to put the blasted Purdey down until the next November.

Anyway, must dash- wrestling sharks this evening

With Evana Trump.