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Official Squidmas Juice

Hello!

Official Squidmas juice is made from the tentacles and minds of only the angriest squids. Here's Grand High Space Arch Bishop Stewart explaining why you have to drink it and what will happen to you if you drink anything else.

http://www.rathergood.com/all-sketches/edict-juice.html

You have no choice but to taste the fury, sorrow and rancidity!

Also,  as per the ancient prophesy of Saint Bong Crisby it is vital that we ensure it is a White Squidmas. Stewart explains what this means for you. It is very important that you pay attention.

http://www.rathergood.com/all-sketches/edict-white-squidmas.html

Stand by for more very important information over the next few days.

GLORY TO THE THEORACY!

Yours sincerely

Joel Veitch

Founder of rathergood.com
Member of the International Academy of Digital Arts and Sciences
Winner of 3 Webby Awards
Master of Arts (Electronic Media) Oxford Brookes
Bachelor of Arts (English and History) University of Leeds
Marksman (.22, 5.56, 7.62, LMG)
Former Sixer of Grey Six, 19th Forest Hill Cub Scouts
Former Member of MGS school cricket team
Former Sergeant, Combined Cadet Force (RAF Section)
Silver Swimming Badge
3rd best Cross Country runner in my class at age 12
Once had a letter published in the New Scientist
Attended one-night Pork Butchery Course
Keen amateur ukulele player
Bronze lifesavers swimming badge
Full clean driver's license
Passed Cycling Proficiency Test
A levels – English Literature, French and History, all grade A
GCSEs 7xA 2xB
Good understanding of the principals of flight
Good understanding of the principles of spelling
Winner of the Head's Prize for Progress, first year, Aylesford School
50 meters swimming badge
Once did a wee in a loo containing Dannii Minogue's wee
25 meters swimming badge
Amateur experimental rocket / meat scientist
Has caught piranhas on a hand line
Willing to learn semaphore if required
Able to sing The Girl From Ipanema and Mas Que Nada in Portuguese
Survivor of Trans-Atlantic Airplane Fire Horror
Wielder Of The Power Of Science
Inventor of the Dictator Finger Thingdicator
Defeater of Transformers (regardless of voltage)
Founder member of the super-secret League Of Internet Justice
Has eaten chicken madras for breakfast
Commander In Chief of Pork Force
Saver Of Old Ladies In Distress
Owner of Monster Truck
Experienced lawn mower
Finder of camouflaged flip-flops
Amateur Marine Biologist
Vaguely knowledgeable about steam engines
Paper Plane Expert
The man behind many of the Internet’s biggest online successes (London Evening Standard 6 October 2010)
Pie Master
Some bloke who makes cat videos on the internet (copyright Aleks Krotoski)
Kitten Wrangler Extraordinaire
Inventor of Hairy Tongue
Christmas Tree Decorator of some renown
Able to slow kittens to 1/40th the speed of a normal kitten
Fan of all ungulates
Moon Baron
Able to do a passable impersonation of a trumpeting elephant
Fixer of aircraft using glue, tape and bog roll
Cyborg Warrior
Repairer of small shock absorbers
Owner of a skin-tight lycra suit
Knower of some stuff about pulse jets
Able to identify many cartilaginous fish
Painter of RC cars
Able to fly a radio control plane briefly before crashing and destroying it
Knows what a lift pump is in a diesel engine
Understands clutch shoes
Loop-the-looper extraordinaire!
Getting less bad at soldering
Has a vague understanding of the advantages and disadvantages of a small propeller spinning quickly vs a big propeller spinning slowly
Knows that volts times amps equals watts
Father of Ultimate Nail Baby
Hasn't even mentioned that he cut the tip of his finger off because he's so brave
Builder of Sausage Drone
Not responsible for anyone injuring themselves while attempting dangerous erotic freefall
Popular amongst Dominicans with sexually confusing genetic disorders
HABATAAAAAAG enthusiast
Milkman impersonator
Stallion Explosion
Drummer on stranded buoys
Killer of tree stump
Barbequer of delicious sardines
Rat control expert
Wears a clean pair of underpants every single day, no exceptions
Juicing enthusiast
Maestro Human Jamonero
Fingernail splinter survivor
Choctopussular King of the Underworld
King of rapid-reaction song-forging
Trainee quadcopter pilot
Digger-out of large pieces of floorboard from his own feet flesh
Survivor of adult mumps
Egg detector
Bacon Drone Mastermind
Able to speak French a bit
Very grown up
Getting better at gardening
Not actually so sure I am getting better at gardening after all
Successfully grafted at least one fruit tree
Learning a bit about pollination
Has eaten reindeer
Building slug defences from egg shells
Has definitely got some greengages growing on the greengage tree
Owner of a kiwi vine
Slug Patrol! Ho!
Has a slightly sore little finger on the right hand
Destroyer of aphids
Several plants would be growing better if I had just left them alone instead of trying to help
A bit tired
Owner of a Passion Fruit vine
Grower of Asparagus
Educator about dinosaurs
Grower and Eater of greengages
Pork is my cake, cheese sauce my custard
Creator of a massive glut of broad beans
Maker of compost
Grower of fruit seeds
Cooker of spicy bone soup
Can say “fish” in Spanish
Inventor of Bean Cake. It's a cake that's full of beans!
Inventor of Eel Cake. It's a cake that's full of eels!
Father of a very small hairdresser
Has a horrible cold but is much too brave to mention it
Smells of burnt toast
Theocratic Despot of the Future
Walking quite a lot these days
I do like a nice home made spicy soup you know
Ate a ridiculously hot chicken wing thereby joining the Brotherhood of Idiots

Father Squidmas, Carols and Win A signed T-Shirt!

Hello! I have important announcements for you from Grand High Space Arch-Vicar Stewart, the main baddy in Ship Of Eagles.

Firstly, please be aware that Father Squidmas or his appointed agents will be visiting you in your sleep. It is important that you have all the mandatory items ready for him or you will be very, very sorry. See Stewart's edict on the matter here:

http://rathergood.com/all-sketches/edict-father-squidmas.html

Secondly, all Squidmas Carols and indeed all other songs have now been banned, to be replaced by a single approved carol of Stewart's own design. It is impotant for your wellbeing that you watch the announceent now so you do not fall foul of the new law:

http://www.rathergood.com/all-sketches/edict-carol.html

Thirdly, I am very excited to announce a competition to win a signed t-shirt! HOORAY! Enter now for happy funtimes!

http://wildseedstudios.com/ship-of-eagles-competition/#SoEFBComp

Please stand by for further important announcements over the next few days.

GLORY TO THE THEORACY!

Yours sincerely

Joel Veitch

Founder of rathergood.com
Member of the International Academy of Digital Arts and Sciences
Winner of 3 Webby Awards
Master of Arts (Electronic Media) Oxford Brookes
Bachelor of Arts (English and History) University of Leeds
Marksman (.22, 5.56, 7.62, LMG)
Former Sixer of Grey Six, 19th Forest Hill Cub Scouts
Former Member of MGS school cricket team
Former Sergeant, Combined Cadet Force (RAF Section)
Silver Swimming Badge
3rd best Cross Country runner in my class at age 12
Once had a letter published in the New Scientist
Attended one-night Pork Butchery Course
Keen amateur ukulele player
Bronze lifesavers swimming badge
Full clean driver's license
Passed Cycling Proficiency Test
A levels – English Literature, French and History, all grade A
GCSEs 7xA 2xB
Good understanding of the principals of flight
Good understanding of the principles of spelling
Winner of the Head's Prize for Progress, first year, Aylesford School
50 meters swimming badge
Once did a wee in a loo containing Dannii Minogue's wee
25 meters swimming badge
Amateur experimental rocket / meat scientist
Has caught piranhas on a hand line
Willing to learn semaphore if required
Able to sing The Girl From Ipanema and Mas Que Nada in Portuguese
Survivor of Trans-Atlantic Airplane Fire Horror
Wielder Of The Power Of Science
Inventor of the Dictator Finger Thingdicator
Defeater of Transformers (regardless of voltage)
Founder member of the super-secret League Of Internet Justice
Has eaten chicken madras for breakfast
Commander In Chief of Pork Force
Saver Of Old Ladies In Distress
Owner of Monster Truck
Experienced lawn mower
Finder of camouflaged flip-flops
Amateur Marine Biologist
Vaguely knowledgeable about steam engines
Paper Plane Expert
The man behind many of the Internet’s biggest online successes (London Evening Standard 6 October 2010)
Pie Master
Some bloke who makes cat videos on the internet (copyright Aleks Krotoski)
Kitten Wrangler Extraordinaire
Inventor of Hairy Tongue
Christmas Tree Decorator of some renown
Able to slow kittens to 1/40th the speed of a normal kitten
Fan of all ungulates
Moon Baron
Able to do a passable impersonation of a trumpeting elephant
Fixer of aircraft using glue, tape and bog roll
Cyborg Warrior
Repairer of small shock absorbers
Owner of a skin-tight lycra suit
Knower of some stuff about pulse jets
Able to identify many cartilaginous fish
Painter of RC cars
Able to fly a radio control plane briefly before crashing and destroying it
Knows what a lift pump is in a diesel engine
Understands clutch shoes
Loop-the-looper extraordinaire!
Getting less bad at soldering
Has a vague understanding of the advantages and disadvantages of a small propeller spinning quickly vs a big propeller spinning slowly
Knows that volts times amps equals watts
Father of Ultimate Nail Baby
Hasn't even mentioned that he cut the tip of his finger off because he's so brave
Builder of Sausage Drone
Not responsible for anyone injuring themselves while attempting dangerous erotic freefall
Popular amongst Dominicans with sexually confusing genetic disorders
HABATAAAAAAG enthusiast
Milkman impersonator
Stallion Explosion
Drummer on stranded buoys
Killer of tree stump
Barbequer of delicious sardines
Rat control expert
Wears a clean pair of underpants every single day, no exceptions
Juicing enthusiast
Maestro Human Jamonero
Fingernail splinter survivor
Choctopussular King of the Underworld
King of rapid-reaction song-forging
Trainee quadcopter pilot
Digger-out of large pieces of floorboard from his own feet flesh
Survivor of adult mumps
Egg detector
Bacon Drone Mastermind
Able to speak French a bit
Very grown up
Getting better at gardening
Not actually so sure I am getting better at gardening after all
Successfully grafted at least one fruit tree
Learning a bit about pollination
Has eaten reindeer
Building slug defences from egg shells
Has definitely got some greengages growing on the greengage tree
Owner of a kiwi vine
Slug Patrol! Ho!
Has a slightly sore little finger on the right hand
Destroyer of aphids
Several plants would be growing better if I had just left them alone instead of trying to help
A bit tired
Owner of a Passion Fruit vine
Grower of Asparagus
Educator about dinosaurs
Grower and Eater of greengages
Pork is my cake, cheese sauce my custard
Creator of a massive glut of broad beans
Maker of compost
Grower of fruit seeds
Cooker of spicy bone soup
Can say “fish” in Spanish
Inventor of Bean Cake. It's a cake that's full of beans!
Inventor of Eel Cake. It's a cake that's full of eels!
Father of a very small hairdresser
Has a horrible cold but is much too brave to mention it
Smells of burnt toast
Theocratic Despot of the Future
Walking quite a lot these days
I do like a nice home made spicy soup you know

Ship Of Eagles

Hello! I have SUCH exciting news for you today! We have got our new SciFi comedy Ship Of Eagles up on the web!

You can watch it here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WzTFuJyYVKg

And there's a trailer here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cZ5CPVunRsA

In the far future, mankind has spread throughout the stars.

The Galactic Human Empire is ruled by a massive byzantine theocracy, a dense, ancient mess of rituals, dogma and bureaucracy, so old and complex that nobody really understands it all any more.

Fleeing the authorities after selling a batch of dodgy codpieces is SARAH – a small time crook now branded a heretic.

With her crew of reluctant rebels she begins to build a resistance using only their wits and an inexhaustible supply of eagles.

Isn't it wonderful! I'll have more lovely stuff for you over the next few days from this universe as well. HOORAY!

Yours sincerely

Joel Veitch

Founder of rathergood.com
Member of the International Academy of Digital Arts and Sciences
Winner of 3 Webby Awards
Master of Arts (Electronic Media) Oxford Brookes
Bachelor of Arts (English and History) University of Leeds
Marksman (.22, 5.56, 7.62, LMG)
Former Sixer of Grey Six, 19th Forest Hill Cub Scouts
Former Member of MGS school cricket team
Former Sergeant, Combined Cadet Force (RAF Section)
Silver Swimming Badge
3rd best Cross Country runner in my class at age 12
Once had a letter published in the New Scientist
Attended one-night Pork Butchery Course
Keen amateur ukulele player
Bronze lifesavers swimming badge
Full clean driver's license
Passed Cycling Proficiency Test
A levels – English Literature, French and History, all grade A
GCSEs 7xA 2xB
Good understanding of the principals of flight
Good understanding of the principles of spelling
Winner of the Head's Prize for Progress, first year, Aylesford School
50 meters swimming badge
Once did a wee in a loo containing Dannii Minogue's wee
25 meters swimming badge
Amateur experimental rocket / meat scientist
Has caught piranhas on a hand line
Willing to learn semaphore if required
Able to sing The Girl From Ipanema and Mas Que Nada in Portuguese
Survivor of Trans-Atlantic Airplane Fire Horror
Wielder Of The Power Of Science
Inventor of the Dictator Finger Thingdicator
Defeater of Transformers (regardless of voltage)
Founder member of the super-secret League Of Internet Justice
Has eaten chicken madras for breakfast
Commander In Chief of Pork Force
Saver Of Old Ladies In Distress
Owner of Monster Truck
Experienced lawn mower
Finder of camouflaged flip-flops
Amateur Marine Biologist
Vaguely knowledgeable about steam engines
Paper Plane Expert
The man behind many of the Internet’s biggest online successes (London Evening Standard 6 October 2010)
Pie Master
Some bloke who makes cat videos on the internet (copyright Aleks Krotoski)
Kitten Wrangler Extraordinaire
Inventor of Hairy Tongue
Christmas Tree Decorator of some renown
Able to slow kittens to 1/40th the speed of a normal kitten
Fan of all ungulates
Moon Baron
Able to do a passable impersonation of a trumpeting elephant
Fixer of aircraft using glue, tape and bog roll
Cyborg Warrior
Repairer of small shock absorbers
Owner of a skin-tight lycra suit
Knower of some stuff about pulse jets
Able to identify many cartilaginous fish
Painter of RC cars
Able to fly a radio control plane briefly before crashing and destroying it
Knows what a lift pump is in a diesel engine
Understands clutch shoes
Loop-the-looper extraordinaire!
Getting less bad at soldering
Has a vague understanding of the advantages and disadvantages of a small propeller spinning quickly vs a big propeller spinning slowly
Knows that volts times amps equals watts
Father of Ultimate Nail Baby
Hasn't even mentioned that he cut the tip of his finger off because he's so brave
Builder of Sausage Drone
Not responsible for anyone injuring themselves while attempting dangerous erotic freefall
Popular amongst Dominicans with sexually confusing genetic disorders
HABATAAAAAAG enthusiast
Milkman impersonator
Stallion Explosion
Drummer on stranded buoys
Killer of tree stump
Barbequer of delicious sardines
Rat control expert
Wears a clean pair of underpants every single day, no exceptions
Juicing enthusiast
Maestro Human Jamonero
Fingernail splinter survivor
Choctopussular King of the Underworld
King of rapid-reaction song-forging
Trainee quadcopter pilot
Digger-out of large pieces of floorboard from his own feet flesh
Survivor of adult mumps
Egg detector
Bacon Drone Mastermind
Able to speak French a bit
Very grown up
Getting better at gardening
Not actually so sure I am getting better at gardening after all
Successfully grafted at least one fruit tree
Learning a bit about pollination
Has eaten reindeer
Building slug defences from egg shells
Has definitely got some greengages growing on the greengage tree
Owner of a kiwi vine
Slug Patrol! Ho!
Has a slightly sore little finger on the right hand
Destroyer of aphids
Several plants would be growing better if I had just left them alone instead of trying to help
A bit tired
Owner of a Passion Fruit vine
Grower of Asparagus
Educator about dinosaurs
Grower and Eater of greengages
Pork is my cake, cheese sauce my custard
Creator of a massive glut of broad beans
Maker of compost
Grower of fruit seeds
Cooker of spicy bone soup
Can say “fish” in Spanish
Inventor of Bean Cake. It's a cake that's full of beans!
Inventor of Eel Cake. It's a cake that's full of eels!
Father of a very small hairdresser
Has a horrible cold but is much too brave to mention it
Smells of burnt toast
Theocratic Despot of the Future

Squidmas Edicts 1,2,3

Merry Squidmas! Grand high Space Arch Vicar Stewart has a nuber of Edicts that he will be announcing in the run-up to Squidmas Day. Here are the first three.

Saint Kardashian survives in the form of a preserved sacred relic. Stewart wants you to get him Squidmas presents to help with its care:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V9biJ3a-S5Q

A gigantic mutant wasp is this year's mandatory Squidmas decoration. Stewart explains all about it here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kG4ufMto_60

Stewart tells us about the madatory Squidmas present to be gien to all children this year:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EZAwyAbU_CM

Glory to the Theocracy!

Yours sincerely

Joel Veitch

Founder of rathergood.com
Member of the International Academy of Digital Arts and Sciences
Winner of 3 Webby Awards
Master of Arts (Electronic Media) Oxford Brookes
Bachelor of Arts (English and History) University of Leeds
Marksman (.22, 5.56, 7.62, LMG)
Former Sixer of Grey Six, 19th Forest Hill Cub Scouts
Former Member of MGS school cricket team
Former Sergeant, Combined Cadet Force (RAF Section)
Silver Swimming Badge
3rd best Cross Country runner in my class at age 12
Once had a letter published in the New Scientist
Attended one-night Pork Butchery Course
Keen amateur ukulele player
Bronze lifesavers swimming badge
Full clean driver's license
Passed Cycling Proficiency Test
A levels – English Literature, French and History, all grade A
GCSEs 7xA 2xB
Good understanding of the principals of flight
Good understanding of the principles of spelling
Winner of the Head's Prize for Progress, first year, Aylesford School
50 meters swimming badge
Once did a wee in a loo containing Dannii Minogue's wee
25 meters swimming badge
Amateur experimental rocket / meat scientist
Has caught piranhas on a hand line
Willing to learn semaphore if required
Able to sing The Girl From Ipanema and Mas Que Nada in Portuguese
Survivor of Trans-Atlantic Airplane Fire Horror
Wielder Of The Power Of Science
Inventor of the Dictator Finger Thingdicator
Defeater of Transformers (regardless of voltage)
Founder member of the super-secret League Of Internet Justice
Has eaten chicken madras for breakfast
Commander In Chief of Pork Force
Saver Of Old Ladies In Distress
Owner of Monster Truck
Experienced lawn mower
Finder of camouflaged flip-flops
Amateur Marine Biologist
Vaguely knowledgeable about steam engines
Paper Plane Expert
The man behind many of the Internet’s biggest online successes (London Evening Standard 6 October 2010)
Pie Master
Some bloke who makes cat videos on the internet (copyright Aleks Krotoski)
Kitten Wrangler Extraordinaire
Inventor of Hairy Tongue
Christmas Tree Decorator of some renown
Able to slow kittens to 1/40th the speed of a normal kitten
Fan of all ungulates
Moon Baron
Able to do a passable impersonation of a trumpeting elephant
Fixer of aircraft using glue, tape and bog roll
Cyborg Warrior
Repairer of small shock absorbers
Owner of a skin-tight lycra suit
Knower of some stuff about pulse jets
Able to identify many cartilaginous fish
Painter of RC cars
Able to fly a radio control plane briefly before crashing and destroying it
Knows what a lift pump is in a diesel engine
Understands clutch shoes
Loop-the-looper extraordinaire!
Getting less bad at soldering
Has a vague understanding of the advantages and disadvantages of a small propeller spinning quickly vs a big propeller spinning slowly
Knows that volts times amps equals watts
Father of Ultimate Nail Baby
Hasn't even mentioned that he cut the tip of his finger off because he's so brave
Builder of Sausage Drone
Not responsible for anyone injuring themselves while attempting dangerous erotic freefall
Popular amongst Dominicans with sexually confusing genetic disorders
HABATAAAAAAG enthusiast
Milkman impersonator
Stallion Explosion
Drummer on stranded buoys
Killer of tree stump
Barbequer of delicious sardines
Rat control expert
Wears a clean pair of underpants every single day, no exceptions
Juicing enthusiast
Maestro Human Jamonero
Fingernail splinter survivor
Choctopussular King of the Underworld
King of rapid-reaction song-forging
Trainee quadcopter pilot
Digger-out of large pieces of floorboard from his own feet flesh
Survivor of adult mumps
Egg detector
Bacon Drone Mastermind
Able to speak French a bit
Very grown up
Getting better at gardening
Not actually so sure I am getting better at gardening after all
Successfully grafted at least one fruit tree
Learning a bit about pollination
Has eaten reindeer
Building slug defences from egg shells
Has definitely got some greengages growing on the greengage tree
Owner of a kiwi vine
Slug Patrol! Ho!
Has a slightly sore little finger on the right hand
Destroyer of aphids
Several plants would be growing better if I had just left them alone instead of trying to help
A bit tired
Owner of a Passion Fruit vine
Grower of Asparagus
Educator about dinosaurs
Grower and Eater of greengages
Pork is my cake, cheese sauce my custard
Creator of a massive glut of broad beans
Maker of compost
Grower of fruit seeds
Cooker of spicy bone soup
Can say “fish” in Spanish
Inventor of Bean Cake. It's a cake that's full of beans!
Inventor of Eel Cake. It's a cake that's full of eels!
Father of a very small hairdresser
Has a horrible cold but is much too brave to mention it
Smells of burnt toast
Theocratic Despot of the Future
Walking quite a lot these days

Don't let the toast burn! Newsletter 209

Hellooooo! And welcome to the 209th EVER newsletter from rathergood.com!

I am VERY pleased to let you kow that Achilles' Eel is back. This time he is maing sure the toast doesn't burn:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CBKmrw1cqjw

Also, Dave the rabbit and Ed the cat are making up  new language. The first word of their new language is for “bumblebee”. Have a look in this week'sRoadkill clip:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F3L4iJGBQgc

Watch out for very exciting stuff from us over the next few days as we launch Ship Of Eagles- our amazing new futuristic science fiction comedy animation.

All will become clear tomorrow! Hooray!

Yours sincerely

Joel Veitch

Founder of rathergood.com
Member of the International Academy of Digital Arts and Sciences
Winner of 3 Webby Awards
Master of Arts (Electronic Media) Oxford Brookes
Bachelor of Arts (English and History) University of Leeds
Marksman (.22, 5.56, 7.62, LMG)
Former Sixer of Grey Six, 19th Forest Hill Cub Scouts
Former Member of MGS school cricket team
Former Sergeant, Combined Cadet Force (RAF Section)
Silver Swimming Badge
3rd best Cross Country runner in my class at age 12
Once had a letter published in the New Scientist
Attended one-night Pork Butchery Course
Keen amateur ukulele player
Bronze lifesavers swimming badge
Full clean driver's license
Passed Cycling Proficiency Test
A levels – English Literature, French and History, all grade A
GCSEs 7xA 2xB
Good understanding of the principals of flight
Good understanding of the principles of spelling
Winner of the Head's Prize for Progress, first year, Aylesford School
50 meters swimming badge
Once did a wee in a loo containing Dannii Minogue's wee
25 meters swimming badge
Amateur experimental rocket / meat scientist
Has caught piranhas on a hand line
Willing to learn semaphore if required
Able to sing The Girl From Ipanema and Mas Que Nada in Portuguese
Survivor of Trans-Atlantic Airplane Fire Horror
Wielder Of The Power Of Science
Inventor of the Dictator Finger Thingdicator
Defeater of Transformers (regardless of voltage)
Founder member of the super-secret League Of Internet Justice
Has eaten chicken madras for breakfast
Commander In Chief of Pork Force
Saver Of Old Ladies In Distress
Owner of Monster Truck
Experienced lawn mower
Finder of camouflaged flip-flops
Amateur Marine Biologist
Vaguely knowledgeable about steam engines
Paper Plane Expert
The man behind many of the Internet’s biggest online successes (London Evening Standard 6 October 2010)
Pie Master
Some bloke who makes cat videos on the internet (copyright Aleks Krotoski)
Kitten Wrangler Extraordinaire
Inventor of Hairy Tongue
Christmas Tree Decorator of some renown
Able to slow kittens to 1/40th the speed of a normal kitten
Fan of all ungulates
Moon Baron
Able to do a passable impersonation of a trumpeting elephant
Fixer of aircraft using glue, tape and bog roll
Cyborg Warrior
Repairer of small shock absorbers
Owner of a skin-tight lycra suit
Knower of some stuff about pulse jets
Able to identify many cartilaginous fish
Painter of RC cars
Able to fly a radio control plane briefly before crashing and destroying it
Knows what a lift pump is in a diesel engine
Understands clutch shoes
Loop-the-looper extraordinaire!
Getting less bad at soldering
Has a vague understanding of the advantages and disadvantages of a small propeller spinning quickly vs a big propeller spinning slowly
Knows that volts times amps equals watts
Father of Ultimate Nail Baby
Hasn't even mentioned that he cut the tip of his finger off because he's so brave
Builder of Sausage Drone
Not responsible for anyone injuring themselves while attempting dangerous erotic freefall
Popular amongst Dominicans with sexually confusing genetic disorders
HABATAAAAAAG enthusiast
Milkman impersonator
Stallion Explosion
Drummer on stranded buoys
Killer of tree stump
Barbequer of delicious sardines
Rat control expert
Wears a clean pair of underpants every single day, no exceptions
Juicing enthusiast
Maestro Human Jamonero
Fingernail splinter survivor
Choctopussular King of the Underworld
King of rapid-reaction song-forging
Trainee quadcopter pilot
Digger-out of large pieces of floorboard from his own feet flesh
Survivor of adult mumps
Egg detector
Bacon Drone Mastermind
Able to speak French a bit
Very grown up
Getting better at gardening
Not actually so sure I am getting better at gardening after all
Successfully grafted at least one fruit tree
Learning a bit about pollination
Has eaten reindeer
Building slug defences from egg shells
Has definitely got some greengages growing on the greengage tree
Owner of a kiwi vine
Slug Patrol! Ho!
Has a slightly sore little finger on the right hand
Destroyer of aphids
Several plants would be growing better if I had just left them alone instead of trying to help
A bit tired
Owner of a Passion Fruit vine
Grower of Asparagus
Educator about dinosaurs
Grower and Eater of greengages
Pork is my cake, cheese sauce my custard
Creator of a massive glut of broad beans
Maker of compost
Grower of fruit seeds
Cooker of spicy bone soup
Can say “fish” in Spanish
Inventor of Bean Cake. It's a cake that's full of beans!
Inventor of Eel Cake. It's a cake that's full of eels!
Father of a very small hairdresser
Has a horrible cold but is much too brave to mention it
Smells of burnt toast

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