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Kitten Hat, Kittentipede And Hammers

SeaDave likes to wear his special kitten hat. It gets him lots of special looks, and it always leaves people retching with desire. It's made from the front half of a kitten. It's really lovely, but it has this annoying feature that the blood and organs tend to fall out of the big hole at the back and dribble all over him, so he has to use up a lot of kittens to replace them. He only needs the front halves for this of course, and it would be a terrible shame to let all those back halves go to waste.

With this in mind, in the spirit of waste-not-want-not, and eco-friendly recycling etc, we have been attaching all the spare back halves together with one front half, to make a Kittentipede. Also, because our research shows that the cutest bit of a kitten is the eyes, we've stitched hundreds of eyes all over it. It is therefore the cutest thing in the world EVER!

It's a happy little critter! Also, because it's got so many kitten back halves in it, it's got loads more organs than a normal kitten. I expect this means it has super powers of some kind though it hasn't exhibited them yet.

We thought that this potential superness meant it would be wise to have a remote controlled self destruct system, to avoid it taking its rage out on humanity if it turns out to be in terrible pain or filled with desperate self-loathing or something. That turned out to be quite difficult though so we're using a hammer. It's not very remote, or self. To be honest I'm not all that controlled with the hammer either, truth be told.

It definitely destructs though.

It WELL destructs.

I think we should make an advert for the people who make hammers. We'll send our idea to British Hammers Ltd. Our idea that they should let us make an advert for hammers where we make a Kittentipede and then destruct it with a hammer to stop it from going on a rampage and destroying humanity. We'll make a video of us doing that, and then send it to British Hammers Ltd with a demand for a million pounds or a million hammers, either is fine.